I Thought My Son Had Died

I starting having Out of Body Experiences when I was about 4.

It started with me dreaming I was flying around in our house. It was so real, that when I woke up I ran down the passage, jumped into the air and landed with a thud. Obviously my parents thought I was loopy - often saying I had a "vivid imagination". But the dreams continued, and so did the journey.

I started leaving the house and flying around it, slowly going further and further away from home. Eventually I moved on to other planes - at the time completely unaware of the fact. I often visited the same places. One of which was a lovely beach cove with little, quaint cottages on one end, and the most beautiful, giant sea shells. I never saw any other people there - it was a peaceful place. Another place I remember was a city, with wide, paved walkways and enormously, tall lamp-posts with giant orb shaped globes on the top. I remember that place was filled with people walking in droves dressing in toga-like garb. Some saw me and waved as I flew above them, but none ever spoke to me or flew around with me. And a 3rd place - filled with all kinds of people from all over the world and different ages... I had to go through an orchard where snakes hung from the trees. When I eventually overcame the fear of the snakes, what I found beyond was incredible. A pyramid like structure with many stairs leading to a flat top where all the people gathered, waiting. A sunrise with a Buddha like figure of godlike proportions with many arms smiling down at us.

I recall flying with witches and through people's houses - some people seeing me, and others not at all. On one of my travels, I met a lady who called me down to her little house surrounded by Milkwood trees and a beautiful garden filled with various succulents. She called me down and said she had a favor to ask. She was dying, she said, and wanted me to take one of her plants to her daughter's house, explaining that it was magical and would be her connection to her daughter, and asked that I return to her after. I did as she asked, finding her daughters house by thought - not direction. Upon my return, she gifted me with one of her plants as well saying that I would not have this gift in my physical world, but in the spiritual one. Months later on an outing with friends, we drove past her house by chance and it was exactly as it was on my travels. I had told my friends about this "dream", and they asked if I wanted to stop. I declined as I knew the lady had passed on and was no longer there.

As time passed, I had many different experiences - all at night while asleep. I have never been able to travel by will when awake. Another memorable experience occurred when I was 21 and in London. It was my first time out of South Africa. I was only there for a short time as a birthday gift from my father who was there at the time. It was also the first time I actually saw my own physical body. I traveled home and watched my daughter (almost 1 years old) whom I had left behind. She was smiling up at me, and I moved down to hug her and she hugged me back. While she was hugging me, I felt something strange happen. Her arms and legs were elongating and fingers and toes became claws. I tried to pull her off me, and when I saw her face it was distorted and animal like. Out of fear, I was pulled back towards my body and thought I had woken up. I sat up in the room where I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor with my father in the bed. He had left the music playing, and when I turned to switch it off I saw my body and realized that I was indeed not awake. I wasn't afraid at that point, and merely thought, "I better get back in". But I couldn't. I kept "waking up" only to find I wasn't awake - over and over again. I was not alarmed at first, but as the struggle continued I became more and more afraid. Eventually, I remember crawling over to my father's bed. I felt sluggish and as if unable to breathe. I reached up and groped at his blankets, his legs, his arm - struggling to speak and crying. When I eventually truly awoke, I was at his bedside in his arms sobbing uncontrollably...

I am now 38, and episodes have decreased. I still have moments like the above where I feel I'm stuck though a lot less scary, and have learnt to call out for someone to wake me. I yell loudly in the astral world, and my body eventually makes enough choked sounds to alert someone.

This brings me to the question that is bothering me. Often during my recent travels, I find my son with me. He is now 13, but has had similar experiences already, and I feel that somehow we have a strong spiritual connection. Last night was the scariest night of my life. I had a strange "dream" where I was put under some sort of gas to force-ably "travel" to a specific place and report back. There were anomalies of this dream, and already I was starting to realize this was no ordinary dream. Logic was taking over. I drifted off in this dream and awoke in a place of great emptiness and extreme darkness. I could here the "doctor's" voices. A lady asked what was happening and the man replied, "She says she's not sure yet." I tried to focus on my surroundings to make clarity, but to no avail. A great sense of loss overwhelmed me, and I felt ill at ease. I wanted out. So I started yelling, "Help me!" at the top of my spiritual lungs over and over again. I heard and saw my daughter come into my room, saying, "It's OK, mom." I could see her. And I could see my son standing in the corner with his body-board under his arm looking at me with confusion. My son was not at home, but with his father and huge sense of dread overcame me. Why was he there? I felt cold, shaky, sick and terribly afraid. My daughter, thinking I was OK and left the room. I yelled for her again, "Please! Help me!" She rushed back in and I saw her leaning over the end of my bed, and there was my son standing next to her looking concerned. That just fueled my fear even more. Why was he there? Had something happened to him? Was he dead? I felt like I had one foot in the spiritual world, and one in the physical. My body felt like lead. I struggled to open my eyes, but could now speak properly. I asked my daughter to put on the light. Once fully awake, I was sobbing uncontrollably, shaking. I wanted to vomit. I told my daughter what had happened, and my reaction made her cry and worry. We phoned her father at just after 4am. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't make that dreadful feeling go away. I need to know my son was safe.

Eventually after the second call he answered. He calmed my daughter down and she explained what had happened. He had had these experience with me before, so there was no judgement. He calmly got out of bed and went to check on my son who was sleeping - even checked his pulse to be 100% sure. It took me ages to calm down even then. The feeling of the loss of my son was... Awful. I cannot truly explain it, and had never felt it before.

I am trying to find an explanation for this. Did I draw his spirit to me when I was afraid? Was it just my lack of knowledge that made me automatically think that he had to have been dead for me to have seen him? Are we linked?

I desperately need some advice on this one, please. I NEVER want that feeling again.